Hey friends, I’m Julia Woods, and today I want to share something close to my heart. This month, my husband and I are celebrating 34 years of marriage. Throughout this journey, I’m learning so much, and I find myself wishing I could go back and share these five lessons with my younger self. If you’re in a relationship, considering marriage, or simply curious about how long-term partnerships work, I think you’ll find these insights valuable. Plus, I’ve included a little gift at the end to help you navigate difficult conversations, so stick around!

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1. Marriage is Not a Fairytale

If you, like me, grew up believing marriage was a happily-ever-after fairytale, here’s the truth: happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes like the wind. Instead of chasing happiness, I’ve learned that joy is something I can cultivate within myself, irrespective of external circumstances. Even during tough times, I can choose joy. Remember, when happiness fades, you have the power to choose joy, no matter the circumstances.

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2. Marriage is a Daily Choice

One thing I didn’t realize early on is that marriage isn’t just a one-time decision. Saying “I do” is just the beginning. Every single day, you have to choose each other again. There are days when this choice feels tough—when you’re frustrated, when you feel distant, or when someone from the past crosses your mind. But each time you choose your partner, you’re choosing to keep building the foundation and working through the hard moments. That’s what makes a marriage strong.

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3. Marriage is a Giant Mirror

Here’s something unexpected: marriage is like a giant mirror. Your spouse sees you in ways no one else does—they see your moods, your attitudes, and they mirror that back to you. While it might be uncomfortable at first, over time I’ve realized that my husband is a constant source of feedback, helping me grow in ways I couldn’t have imagined without him. If your spouse is reflecting something back to you, don’t shy away; it’s an opportunity to see yourself clearly and grow.

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4. Marriage is Two Villains and Two Heroes Falling in Love

Inside each of us lies a hero and a villain. When two people fall in love, both their heroes and villains fall in love too. The villain wants to stay comfortable and avoid change, while the hero strives for growth and the best version of oneself. Recognizing the villain in ourselves allows the hero to take the lead towards honest and vulnerable conversations, ultimately helping us grow into our best selves together.

5. Marriage Grows Through Tension

For many years, I avoided tension in my marriage, thinking it was a bad sign. But I learned that tension indicates the relationship is alive and growing. It’s the heat that forges strength. Every time we faced tension, we could either avoid it or work through it, communicating and growing stronger. Embracing tension has contributed to our marriage’s growth.

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These are the five lessons I wish I had known about marriage. It’s not a fairytale but a journey of profound, transformative connection with another person. It requires work, commitment, and the willingness to grow.

If any of these lessons resonate with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. As promised, I have a gift for you: 10 prompts to resolve difficult conversations. Check below for your free gift if you want to learn to work through the tension in your marriage. 

If you found this post valuable, please click here to watch the full YouTube episode. Thank you for being here, and I can’t wait to share more with you next time!

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10 Prompts to Reconcile Difficult Conversations

https://beautifuloutcome.com/prompt-starters

Grab your spot at the next Breakthrough Workshop

https://beautifuloutcome.com/retreat-sept-25

💥💥Everything you need to grow the marriage you long for is waiting for you in the Marriage Growth Community:

https://beautifuloutcome.com/mgc-one-time-offer

🎁 Free gifts for you!

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