Marriage is a journey of continuous evolution, with periods of deep connection and inevitable disconnection. In this revealing episode of “Hey Julia Woods,” Click here to hear the episode, we meet Shane and Charity, a couple who navigated the challenging transition from military careers to civilian life and discovered how this shift impacted their once-unshakeable bond.

Their story begins with a familiar pattern: the early years of marriage filled with seamless connection, where arguments were rare and their status as a “power couple” seemed permanent. But as Shane and Charity both retired from the Navy, their relationship began to change. The commonalities that had united them—shared work experiences, similar daily challenges—disappeared, leaving them struggling to find new ways to connect.

Charity described feeling “loved but not deeply connected,” while Shane found himself increasingly distracted during conversations, present physically but emotionally distant. The dynamic became frustratingly one-sided, with Charity trying various approaches to reconnect, only to feel resentment building when nothing seemed to work. Their conversations remained surface-level—routine exchanges about daily activities without meaningful engagement.

This pattern of disconnection is remarkably common in long-term relationships, especially during major life transitions. As Julia explains, “The marriage that we had, we grew out of, and transition is what brings us to grow out of that.” She uses the powerful metaphor of a snake molting its skin multiple times throughout its life—marriages must similarly shed old patterns to grow into new ones.

The breakthrough for Shane and Charity came when they attended Julia’s “Breakthrough” retreat. There, they learned the crucial concept of “staying in your backyard”—focusing on what you personally can control rather than trying to change your partner. For Charity, this meant recognizing her codependent tendencies and committing to personal growth through regular CODA meetings. For Shane, it meant rediscovering the importance of presence and heart-centered connection rather than merely intellectual engagement.

Perhaps the most transformative outcome was their commitment to a structured weekly “couple’s connection” time. Unlike their previous attempts at dedicated conversation, which felt haphazard or controlling, they now follow a framework that includes five minutes of silent connection, reviewing their agreements about communication safety, working through the “five P’s” framework (that they learned at Breakthrough), and engaging in meaningful conversation.

The results have been remarkable. Shane reports feeling significantly closer to Charity, with empathy “through the roof.” He prioritizes her calls and conversations in ways he didn’t before. Charity feels “calmer” and “safer” in their relationship, able to express her feelings without fear and rediscovering her creativity that had been smothered by relationship anxiety.

Their story reminds us that disconnection in marriage isn’t necessarily a sign of incompatibility or failed love—it’s often a signal that the relationship needs to evolve into its next form. By creating intentional space for connection and committing to personal growth, couples can not only recapture their initial bond but also develop something even deeper and more resilient than before.

10 Prompts to Reconcile Difficult Conversations

https://beautifuloutcome.com/prompt-starters

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