The connection between shame, productivity, and relationships is rarely discussed openly, yet it affects nearly every aspect of our lives. In a recent episode of the Hey Julia Woods podcast, Laura Perry shared her remarkable journey of becoming ten times more productive after addressing the deep-seated shame that was sabotaging her life, business, and marriage. Many of us carry hidden narratives that run in the background of our minds, constantly questioning if we’re doing things properly or living up to some imagined standard. Laura described how she wasn’t tuning into what she truly wanted or needed, but instead was filtering everything through the lens of others’ expectations. This constant self-judgment manifested as what she had previously attributed to ADHD, but was actually paralyzing shame. The impact of these shame narratives was devastating. Laura explained how she had convinced herself that she should be able to handle everything—running a business, caring for children, and maintaining a perfect home—all within limited time constraints. When she inevitably couldn’t meet these impossible standards, the narrative of “you are such a failure” became so overwhelming that she physically couldn’t function. This ultimately led to the shutdown of her business entirely. What’s particularly insightful about Laura’s story is how shame affected her marriage. Rather than speaking up about her needs and collaborating with her husband as a team, she found herself setting him up for failure by giving him tasks she knew would be difficult for him. “I think if I peeled it back, even up another layer, it was like I wanted him to fail so I could be right about my unworthiness,” she revealed.

 This pattern created a destructive cycle where she could validate her feelings of being unworthy of love.

The transformation began when Laura started identifying what she truly wanted and learning to ask for it. She discovered that owning her voice meant first establishing her desires and then communicating them clearly. Instead of drowning in shame when things didn’t go perfectly, she began to recognize her humanity and make adjustments accordingly. Perhaps most remarkable is the practical impact this internal shift had on her external results. When Laura returned to her business, she was booked out within eight weeks. Tasks that previously felt overwhelming became manageable. Conversations that once seemed impossible became navigable. By removing the filter of shame, she found herself able to complete work efficiently without the paralyzing self-doubt that had previously defined her experience. The lesson for all of us is powerful: shame isn’t just an uncomfortable emotion—it’s a productivity killer. When we’re constantly questioning our worth and abilities, we waste enormous mental energy that could be directed toward meaningful action.

By recognizing shame for what it is and choosing humility instead of perfectionism, we can unlock levels of productivity and relationship satisfaction we might never have thought possible. As Laura put it, “When you take the shame out of it and there’s no need to be right, it’s just a human, then I feel so much more receptive to how do we get our life to where we want it to be.” This perspective shift transforms obstacles into opportunities for growth and collaboration, whether in business, parenting, or marriage.

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