Did you know that fighting can actually grow your marriage! 😱
It may seem counter-intuitive. But there is a way to learn how to fight with your spouse so that your disagreements lead to connection.
It is possible to stop dreading conflict. And instead appreciate it as a path to a more deeply connected relationship with each other.
Let’s start by defining fighting. Fighting is when two people:
- have opposing opinions, ideas, or desires,
- there is a misunderstanding of expectations, communication, or desires
- there is lack of communication of expectations, desires, or agenda
When these differences arise, as humans, we attempt to control the situation through things like anger, stone walling, over talking, over explaining, dramatic expressions, harsh words or tones, minimizing, or physical contact.
The less we feel in control the more aggressive and dramatic we can become. And in our efforts to have things the way we want them to be.
At the base level, when something isn’t the way we want it to be or think it should be it creates an internal tension.
Tension is a beautiful thing and a sign that you are alive!
If you are like me and my husband, we resisted the tension. We thought the tension was a problem, so we worked to control it, ignore it, minimize it, blame each other for it, and get rid of it. All of those things increased the tension.
The more we faced the tension in these ways, the uglier and more hurtful we got towards each other. Which grew more tension.
When you fight against the tension, it grows bitterness and resentment which weakens the relationship.
However, when you accept the tension and learn to be in it with a learning and growing mindset, the tension will actually help you understand yourself and each other better. It will help you grow new understandings, and get clear about new steps that need to be taken.
The misunderstandings, differences of opinions, desires, and expectations with your spouse are the obstacles that want to grow you and your marriage!
How much growth could happen in your marriage if you embrace the tension and let it grow deeper connection, understanding awareness and strength between you?
🎁 Free gifts for you!
I would love to connect with you!