After spending thousands of hours on coaching calls, I have discovered the 3 biggest mistakes that couples make which produces disconnection with their spouse.

As soon as couples STOP making these mistakes and START doing the three things I teach them, they all experience deeper connections than they have ever had.

Ready to find out what they are?

STOP/START #1:

STOP needing to be right and START being neutral

As humans, we love being right, and if you want to be right, welcome to loneliness. We often think we are right about what our spouse is up to, but if you understand the human survival system – we are only taking in 1% at best of what is happening. This is like looking at the ocean through a pinhole – we really don’t know and may be missing a lot!

So the key is to START being neutral.

Neutral is the ability to be open-minded to possibilities. It’s the ability to shift our perspective from, “I am right or you’re wrong” to “Maybe we just see things differently.”

STOP/START #2:

STOP blaming and START taking Responsibility

As humans when something goes wrong, it’s on our DNA to look for someone to blame…and our spouse is the easiest target.

It is easier to blame and make our spouse the bad guy so we can avoid looking at ourselves. No wonder we feel disconnected – we just made them the sacrificial lamb! If you want connection, STOP blaming and START taking responsibility.

The reality is no one person is to blame – we both contribute to how things turn out whether through choices, attitude, tone, what we said, what we didn’t say, what we did, what we didn’t do, what we noticed and overlooked, etc.

STOP/START #3:

STOP criticizing and START being Curious

The final big mistake I see couples making that results in disconnection is criticizing.

As humans it’s easy to develop a skill of criticizing someone (often our spouse) when something is done different than how we would do it.

This could be with things like how the house is cared for, the children are fed, dressed, put to bed, taught to obey, how money is handled, or how holidays traditions are kept, etc.

Did you know that when we are insecure about ourselves, we will criticize others?

Did you know that when we think we are supposed to be perfect, we criticize ourselves and then that is the same way we criticize others?

Criticizing causes our spouse to feel small, unimportant, embarrassed, and belittled, and it creates significant disconnection.

If you want connection, you need to STOP criticizing and START being curious. If we will get curious about their approach, we can connect as we learn about them and then discover things about ourselves.

On today’s YouTube episode, I share three examples on how these STOPS were very prevalent in our marriage and the results we got when we began to START something new! Click below to watch”

Which of these do you realize you want to STOP & START? I would love to read your comments below!

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I would love to connect with you!

INSTAGRAM: Follow & connect with me at @HeyJuliaWoods

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WEBSITE: Find more resources (couple’s coaching, courses and couple’s retreats) at  BeautifulOutcome.com
FACEBOOK: Like me at /HeyJuliaWoods