There is ONE marriage tip most couples don’t know and once they learn it, their marriage drastically changes.
When my husband and I first got married, we had The 10 Rules for a Happy Marriage and we thought they seemed simple enough to abide by!
#1. Never both be angry at the same time
#2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire
#3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your spouse
#4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly
#5. Never bring up mistakes from the past
#6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other
#7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled
#8. At least once a day say a kind word or pay a compliment to your partner
#9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness
#10. It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is usually the one who does the most talking.
We thought this would be easy to do, but after years of running a business together and raising kids, these rules seemed impossible.
I interpreted these rules to tell me that we weren’t supposed to have conflict, get angry, yell, or leave arguments unsettled. Unfortunately, this caused a LOT more tension as we decided it was better to pretend like there wasn’t any conflict. However, the tension was multiplying under the surface.
Our biggest mistake is we were trying to do it “right” and avoid all conflict and tension. I believe that the number one tip for every marriage is…
EMBRACE THE TENSION.
Tension is not bad, it’s a beautiful thing that produces growth!
In order for a plant to grow and flourish it needs sun, water, and nutrients, but what produces the growth is the root breaking through an obstacle
It’s the same in marriage.
Marriage needs love, commitment, and connection, and what produces growth is tension which requires you to break through obstacles together.
Tension comes when we see things differently, want different things, have different approaches. This triggers, fears, doubts, insecurities, and limiting beliefs
When you can work together to uncover those things, you can face your fears, work through your doubts, heal insecurities, and rewrite your limiting beliefs. This is nature’s way of growing you as individuals and as a couple
It is the greatest gift of marriage when two people bring out the best in each other by breaking through conflicts.
Is it easy?
Maybe not at first, but it definitely can get easier and easier the more you develop your ability to break through tension together.
Tension begins to become normal just like hunger pains. You don’t get stressed when you’re hungry – you just get something to eat.
Imagine if tension could be the same. You don’t get stressed about it, you just work through it. When you do that, you and your marriage will get stronger and stronger.
If you want to hear me talk about this more, I want to invite you to join me today on my latest YouTube episode, “Unbelievable #1 Marriage Tip that You NEED to Know!”
What advice did you receive as a newlywed that was either really helpful or not very helpful at all? Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear from you.
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